When we think of hope, many of us may turn toward the wispy or ethereal. We can think of Emily Dickinson’s poem:

What Is Hope, Anyway?

While many of us may think of hope as how we feel in response to our circumstances, the pioneering researcher C.R. Snyder conceptualized it as action-focused: something we do and a capacity that we can build up over time. 

Hope consists of:

• Clearly defined, challenging, and inspiring goals for the future.
• The belief, energy, and commitment to move toward them, which Snyder calls willpower.
• The ability to create multiple pathways to success, known as waypower.

Ta-da! Seems rather hum-drum for something that has been shown to have such a powerful effect on our wellbeing, right?

While Snyder argued that hope tends to be a stable trait throughout one’s lifetime, he noted that it can be changed with effort. It’s never too late to increase your capacity for hopeful thinking. Adolescence in particular provides an excellent opportunity to encourage hopeful thinking patterns in your teen that will serve them greatly over time. 

To bring it back to admissions, I’ve heard many times that the uncertainty and the competitiveness of the process can make students (and parents) feel stressed out and downright hopeless. But I like to emphasize that–when approached with the right mindset–the process can actually help students build up a capacity for hope that will benefit them for a lifetime.

Taking Goals Seriously

One of the key aspects of building hopefulness starts with the right kind of goals. The trick is to prioritize: 

• Meaningful goals. It’s important that goals are coming from a place of ownership and choice, not just an expression of what we think we should do. 
• Diverse goals, and LOTS of them. Hopeful people have goals in multiple arenas in life and do not put all of their eggs in one basket (such as relying on a college acceptance or a relationship to determine their happiness).
• Challenging goals. Hopeful people enjoy the process of pursuing difficult, yet attainable goals because they can feel their own growth. In other words: it’s the journey, not the destination. 
• Specific goals. Vague goals can lead to an overall sense of dissatisfaction and can be the enemy of a hopeful attitude. 

So, as you look ahead to the college transition, how do your teen’s goals (and your own) stack up? Often I’ve found that teens default to rigid, outcome-oriented goals (such as “Get into X University”) that can emphasize meeting expectations rather than a genuine desire for fulfillment. 

Thus, a more hope-enriching way to approach admissions is to think more broadly about what kind of goals your teen is trying to fulfill. 

You might consider having them imagine their goals for the first year of college instead of just acceptance. What do they want to accomplish that is meaningful to them in multiple areas of life? In other words, what is your teen looking for in the next stage of their life besides an acceptance letter from their dream school?

The image above depicts a student’s concrete goals for their first year at college. Depending on the student, these goals may feel quite challenging and growth-inspiring (everyone’s wheel will look a little different based on their values and ideal level of challenge). The previously vague goal of succeeding at their Dream College has replaced with a myriad of other goals that are attainable through multiple pathways, whether they are admitted to their Dream College or not.

The Will and the Way(s)

After your teen broadens their goals, they can work on boosting their willpower and waypower.

Willpower. The college application process is a great time to reflect on the strengths and supports that your teen can rely on as they boldly move toward their future. Activities that can enhance willpower include:

• Recalling previous successes in overcoming obstacles
• Finding a substitute goal when the original one is blocked
• Anticipating roadblocks as an unavoidable part of life (and not a mark of failure)

Waypower. As students navigate a complex, long term application process, they also build problem-solving skills. Activities that strengthen their waypower include:

• Breaking down large projects into steps
• Practicing imagining different futures
• Learning to ask for help for achieving goals

It just so happens that the application process encourages just these skills. If we embrace this process is a growth experience, we can then accept that uncertainty and rejection are integral parts of the process rather than worst-case-scenarios. This change in mindset can ultimately set your teen up for a more hopeful life trajectory.

The high school years are not just stepping stones to college admissions–they are fertile years for learning, growth, and happiness. And there’s still time to nudge them toward a more hope-filled and fulfilling trajectory.

Read on Your Own:

Snyder’s book is an oldie but a goodie. You can also check this webpage for an updated review of literature on the subject of hope.